Idk what to say except you are free and I am free and I wish I could see myself in 2 months.
My heart fucking hurts
Feels like none of this is reeeeal
I can’t help but just cry tonight. I wish so badly that he and I could’ve been each other’s loves. And it hurts so bad to be going through this realization. I know it will be okay in the end, but in this moment I’m being a baby bitch
2018 was really ass. Not because the year itself sucked but because I was in an uncomfortable situation. I can’t stick around hoping for things to get better when they won’t. Being more beautiful, being more anything wont make someone love u. It’s okay
If you don’t like the sign that’s in your 7th House, boy do I have some news for you. That sign is the sign that will complete you and bring balance to you. They are the parts of you that you choose to ignore. Growing to accept this will take time for some, but the 7th House deals with self-completion. It’s the sister or opposite sign to your Ascendant for a reason. Thanks to fate, you will attract them in your life in the universe’s attempt to help you learn and grow into the person you are meant to be.
Aries and Scorpio are traditionally co-ruled by Mars, the planet of raw instinct. If you view humans as animals, everything we do is for the purpose of survival – that includes our relationships and social self-establishment. Shame, humiliation, and our sense of awkwardness are evolutionary tools that arose to protect us from exile; as communal creatures, separation from the tribe means death. Mars rules this side of human connection, the drive to integrate with others as a form of securing your very life. Even regardless of this perspective, a primary concern of Mars is self-protection, and the ego lies at the core of that.
Aries & the first house, in the simplest sense, represent one’s basic existence, the assertion and expression of yourself as an intelligent living thing among others like you, the consciousness through which you experience the world – and of course, how you experience yourself. Embarrassment & social discomfort may arise as a result of misrepresentation, miscommunication, and judgement of one’s identity. Self-consciousness isn’t often associated with Aries energy or the Ascendant in the natal chart because of its impetuous nature, but this is the very beginning of self-consciousness (as awareness) in a person’s development, and at first, this process is primitive, based entirely in action & reaction; callow energy may surface in inappropriate and thus embarrassing behavior. By this, you learn what is acceptable & what is not, and mature along the way. Aries grows from the “child” archetype into the “warrior” – a symbol of its tribe’s best qualities. This can only be achieved by impulsive experimentation.
At the other end of this Martian duo is Scorpio & the eighth house. This, in stark contrast to Aries, is representative of all that we consciously keep concealed. The 1st house is instinctively, unconsciously open by design – but the matters of Scorpio and the 8th house are things we have a tight grip on and never let slip into expression. This is the realm of what we learned is “unacceptable” through Arian behavior; this is where social mistakes dwell and fester. Through it, we begin to deeply comprehend what is disgusting, taboo, offensive, stigmatized, disgraceful, and painful, as well as the “why” & “how” behind their status as such. Embarrassment and social discomfort, in this case, may arise as a result of the exposure of these things, especially as they relate to one person.
However, unlike the 1st house, the 8th house is not only about you, it’s about the undertones of a community or relationship – shared truths – so the real pain of the shame that permeates this area lies in the fact that it comes from people who have the “deplorable attribute (or experience)” in common with you. Any negative reactions you receive toward your 8th house, which embarrass you, only exist because the person having that response is embarrassed themselves. The shame here is shared, but blamed on the other. We aren’t free of this either; whatever we are harshly judged for in the 8th house, we learn it is easiest to disown. We detach from these components of who we are, repress them to the point of no longer recognizing them as part of us, and then become the same hypocrite who did this to us, to others. The only reason there are “undertones” within a group or pair in the first place is because of the urge to bury the truths that are uncomfortable. Shame is used as a tool to establish social dominance, weaponized when we return to the 1st house as the “warrior” or “last man standing,” again, a symbol of what is valued by the tribe – a superficial figurehead for human qualities we believe should be exemplified, while we try our best to shed all that is criticized and abhorred in secret, in the 8th house. With Mars’ survival themes, the 8th house feels like life or death, as it is home to those who have been separated from the tribe. Being alone in shame is the death of the ego. Aries, the birth of ego, and Scorpio, its demise (beyond which is a shift from intra- & interpersonal to ultrapersonal consciousness).
Friday, November 30, 2018, 00:19 UT Chart erected for Washington, DC (Thursday, November 29, 19:19 EST)
The Sun’s squares to Mars and Nessus in Pisces are very close; this is the peak time for the angry energies to manifest. We’re faced with some unpleasant “turning away from” type of task, the nature of which depends on which of our natal houses these placements occupy. Not necessarily something in the outer world; it could be “just” self-knowledge and self-understanding which we’re not too happy to (have to) own up to.
This also means, of course, that the Moon is closely opposite Mars and Pholus. This is the “turn away from” lunar phase, and to standard negative Virgo behavior (worrying, never getting one’s act together, giving more weight to the letter of the law rather than the spirit) we need to consider our own passive-aggressive criticisms of others. Do we really want to “help” our targets, or is our “advice” only a camouflage for something more sinister? The Moon is also exactly sextile Ceres/Scorpio; we can use this motherly energy to figure out a better way to support others.
